The Book of Changes

When I was 12 years old, I had a doctor tell me that if I didn’t have surgery on my ankles, I would be in a wheelchair soon. I didn’t believe him, but I didn’t feel as confident as I looked. After all, how could I be sure, when I was only 12 and he was a doctor, that he was wrong and I was right? Even so, I didn’t have the surgery. He wasn’t the last doctor to tell me that I would soon be unable to walk and each time I got more and more confident and I made the same decision over and over again. Still walking has does not come easily to me, especially now that I am 57 years old. And, who knows what the future will bring.

Today was the first day when I really noticed that the sunlight is getting longer. I took a walk in the bitter cold and wind. We have had a lot of rain this winter and practically no snow. It’s been unusually warm and I’m not complaining. However, this year I’ve noticed the light and darkness much more than in the past, perhaps because I haven’t been focusing on navigating over icy sidewalks and snowdrifts. The winter solstice was December 22nd and since then it seems like only a short sliver of time between the sunrise in the morning and the sunset in the evening. During that short time, there are long shadows because the sun’s rays are slanted from the south. The increased darkness has made me think more about the darkness of uncertainty. There is so much I don’t know about my future. Most of the time that seems all right to me. Yet sometimes, like on these darkest days of the year, I just want to run ahead and see what the future is going to bring. I imagine a fortune cookie that will tell me the truth or a psychic who will read my cards. But, I probably wouldn’t believe it anyway.

Instead, I toss three coins and read the hexagram for Chien in the “I Ching or Book of Changes.” The interpretation is: “Those who persevere make continuous progress.” Outside my second floor window, I notice the tall sycamore tree. It is more visible to me without its leaves of summer. Only the round buttonball seeds dangle from the branches in the wind. It’s not a fast growing tree. I wonder how long it took that tree to grow from the seeds inside one of those buttonballs. In the years that I have lived in this house, however, I have seen it grown and change and age. The progress it makes is like the progress I myself have made in life. The tree must have a strong root system I think. It seems to withstand the winds and lightening that has struck down other trees at the top of our little hill. It lets the buttonballs from its branches drop and roll wherever they may. Like me, I think it is well grounded and protected. The tree and I will persevere.

Instead, I toss three coins and read the hexagram for Chien in the “I Ching or Book of Changes.” The interpretation is: “Those who persevere make continuous progress.” Outside my second floor window, I notice the tall sycamore tree. It is more visible to me without its leaves of summer. Only the round buttonball seeds dangle from the branches in the wind. It’s not a fast growing tree. I wonder how long it took that tree to grow from the seeds inside one of those buttonballs. In the years that I have lived in this house, however, I have seen it grown and change and age. The progress it makes is like the progress I myself have made in life. The tree must have a strong root system I think. It seems to withstand the winds and lightening that has struck down other trees at the top of our little hill. It lets the buttonballs from its branches drop and roll wherever they may. Like me, I think it is well grounded and protected. The tree and I will persevere.