After a day of autumn rain and wind, the late afternoon skylight seemed to glow from the clouds above with a warm yellow. The world outside our windows was golden from the wet autumn leaves covering the ground or clinging to a few trees. It changed the light inside so dramatically that we stopped what we had been doing and went outside to get a clear view. As the rain diminished to a drizzle, the sun appeared for the first time all day, low in the West. As we watched, the winds blew away the remaining clouds and there was the rainbow at sunset. Cupped inside the rainbow, the sky was rosy pink and beyond the rim, it was blue.
The rainbow, symbol for hope, with the blue sky lying just outside of it… just the way the song from the Wizard of Oz describes. Happiness, just outside of our grasp.
My father taught me to hope. In my memories of him, I see him as he sometimes stood with his eyes on the horizon. He often commented that for him, “anticipation is better than reality.” Frequently, if I had experienced some pain or sorrow that day, my Dad would say, “tomorrow will be a better day.” As a child, it was reassuring to hear as I was tucked me into bed for sleep.
Most children have things to look forward to. When we are very young, it seems that much must be delayed until we have gained enough age, education or abilities. I spent years waiting to be old enough to apply for a driver’s license. When I was 9 years old I thought, if I only had a dog I would be happy. My mother told me that before I could get a dog I had to have enough money to buy it, feed it for at least one year, pay for all its required vaccinations and veterinary costs and incidental care.
Calculating this cost, I realized it would take years to save on the allowance I received. So, I took on my first fundraising campaign. I started by writing each aunt and uncle who had been known to give me a present in the past. My Aunt Ivy made the most frequent and generous donations to the “doggie fund.” Often she would write a little note with her check made out in my name about the dog she knew I desired.
Of course, when I finally did get the puppy of my dreams, it didn’t take long before I was dreaming of something else that would make me happy. The habit of hope was firmly fixed in my brain by then. It has the benefit of being an incentive to keep trying.
Delaying happiness has serious drawbacks though. Seeking perfection can be very isolating and disappointing. Chasing the elusive rainbow for the pot of gold, can distract me from what is happening this moment. Wanting to be something I am not, to be better, stronger, healthier, or more attractive to others leaves me feeling lonely. Perfection is in fact impossible to achieve.
The awareness of now brought me outdoors to see the rainbow at sunset. It had not been a perfect day. Yet, joy did not need to be postponed until tomorrow.
My Turn 